On getting home with the new baby, my friend’s older son stared at the little baby for a long time. He then thoughtfully asked the mum, “Can we return the baby?” She was a bit shocked at this and said: “No, she has to stay with us, we can’t return her.” He looked very downcast at this and commented, “You must have lost the receipt!”
How do you prepare your older children for the new addition to the family? Different ages will respond differently to this news so it is important to prepare the siblings according to their ages in order to minimize sibling rivalry.
Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is inevitable. It refers to the jealous feelings that siblings might feel towards each other. You may not be able to eliminate it completely but you can minimize it.
Here are some common reactions to the birth of a sibling:
- Jealousy – Children will probably feel jealous, especially about the time and attention the new baby receives from parents and others.
- Regression – Behaviours parents might have thought their children had outgrown may return. For example, toilet-trained children may begin to have accidents. They may want to use a bottle again. This is normal and you should not worry as this does not last very long.
- Open Hostility – Children may express anger and hostility towards the new baby. Although this is perfectly normal, it is important that parents make it known to their children that hitting or hurting the new baby is not allowed.
- Covert Hostility – Some children may act very loving toward the new baby, and then exhibit hostility in other ways. Sometimes, hostility is very subtle, for example, a hug that is so hard that the new baby cries, or a caress that turns into a pinch.
- Attention-seeking behaviour – To get more attention from their parents, older children may resort to all kinds of behaviour. They often become more demanding and difficult.
- Withdrawal – Older children may react to their new brother or sister by withdrawing. They may become very quiet, mope around, and/or refuse to go out and play.
